Posted by DJ in WA [70.210.155.146] on Friday, January 16, 2015 at 01:48:40 :
In Reply to: Does anyone else have this problem? posted by Rick [108.16.59.192] on Thursday, January 15, 2015 at 22:42:39 :
That is serious! Two evenings of TV in a row would drive me nuts too, but there are worse habits. My friend's wife couldn't stand sitting around so she'd go to bars and party with the sailors. Nothing against USN, but they aren't good chaperones.
There is "me" time, which you both get equal amounts to do what you want, and there is "together" time which you collaborate on. Sounds like your "me" shop time is being used against you. Either she is a lazy control freak who doesn't care if you are miserable (in which case, run while you can) or she has a reason for feeling like she does.
Maybe she thinks of unwinding as "together time" in which case she would be right in thinking you are choosing your projects over together time with her, which makes it a competition in her mind. You might win that competition in the short term, but you'll pay for it in the end.
If she's fighting for access to you on her terms it's actually a good thing and shows she values you.
The solution is establishing the difference between the two types of time and defusing the competition. You should each get to choose 50 percent of the activities for "together time", try alternating every other evening or every other week. If she still wants to spend her choice with you watching tv, then you get to learn how to enjoy being with her on her terms during her choice, or find someone who dislikes tv but has all the good qualities of the person you are with already.
Or you could make it real together time and get affectionate about 5 minutes into TV watching every night. She'll either love it or she'll say she's got a headache and send you off to the shop. Either way is a win. Good luck, man.